It was half a complete and utter bust, and half an okay time. One of those times where for every good thing came a bad thing. I guess as always things could be worse.

Friday involved too much wine, a revelation about my life and how I do not like many things about it and plan to change said things effective immediately, and then a heinous fight with the boy. I cried so hard that night that surely I lost 10 pounds from the exertion alone.

Saturday the boy and I did wake up and go to Sheep and Wool Grower's Association Fair Thingy, which after the night before I didn't expect we would. And I was so happy to have been there. The weird part was, as much as I drooled and carried on about all the gorgeous yarn there, I didn't buy a thing. Not one thing. Well, aside from the most tasty onion rings ever. But no yarn. I think what happened was that I was in such shock from all the yarn out there that I didn't know where to begin, and therefore couldn't decide on anything. Like I was on yarn overload, and with only $X number of dollars who do you give your cash to?? I did learn a few things though. First off, real yarn, nice high-end expensive and hand-loved yarn, is so much different than your generic store bought yarn. Insanely different. Second, I reaffirmed my love of alpaca and alpaca blends. Holy crap do I love that stuff. Nothing is so heavenly, warm and soft to me, and if I could die and be buried in Alpaca yarn I'd be happy. Third, I need some silk. Silk yarn is luxurious. I loved it and I want to make a dressy capelet or wrap or shawl for myself out of silk. And fourth, if I don't have a project in mind, don't buy the yarn! I was so proud of myself for this. I had nothing in my head to make, and so I figured it would be silly to spend money on good yarn. If I just bought something because I liked it, well I'd have a lot of teeny tiny little scarves or hats, and that might make for really expensive hats and scarves, and a huge waste of great yarn.

Saturday night the boy just slept and slept for 5 hours. Woke up at 10pm, I kid you not. I was worried he was ill, since he never sleeps for that long. When he takes a 5 pm nap, he is up by 5:45 or 6 and has dinner with me. That night I tried to wake him but he wouldn't budge. We went back to bed at 11. He was just exhausted he claims.

Sunday I didn't do much. Crocheted. Went for a nice urban walk. Watched Jaws. Ha. So kitschy.

I am thinking that I'd like to move far away. I know I can't really do that for money reasons, but the idea of moving away is so appealing. I think I need to redefine my life. I need to hold onto the boy because he just deserves the best, and let go of everything else, family excluded. There gets to be a point where you realize you can swim against the current to try to catch up with the things that passed you by, or you can let go and and float downstream toward something else. I think it's time I float. I don't know if it is my fault, or if it is someone else's fault, or if it's a combination of faults, but I will never feel that I could swim fast enough or hard enough for it to matter. I feel tired from trying, to be honest. I feel tired of trying to win some battle that I have no chance of winning. I wish I could rewind my life to what it was a year and a half ago. I wish I could change the course I took. But I can't, and I think maybe I need to let go of everything now in order to save myself. Otherwise I may drown. I can't swim forever.

Anyways. Drama. I'm just feeling bad lately. Really bad. Really, really lost and all melodramatic.

But look at these cuties. I kept looking at them and thinking, your wool makes my yarn which makes my projects.

Sheep keep me going. Haha.


Sheila said...
Monday, 14 May, 2007

Sorry to hear your a lil under the weather.. just take one day at a time and everything becomes clearer..

Check out http://myworld.ebay.com/colourmartuk

I purchased another cone of 100% silk, 2/28 NM - lace weight, 2,300 yards from him.

Deneen said...
Monday, 14 May, 2007

Sheila is right, one day at a time and no, I have no advice. I have often thought how I wished I had moved away 10 years ago and figured out that I can't keep thinking about it-there's good and bad everywhere. You're young though and have more of an advantage where that is concerned.

I so understand about the whole "yarn overload"-it happens to me all the time when I hit a "real" yarn store and I make stupid purchases-hence my online shopping and why I avoid all the festivals and such-not enough money to spend on what I really want to get and brain too overloaded to make a rational choice.

Alexis said...
Tuesday, 15 May, 2007

Wow. I don't know what's happened in your life that led up to the feelings you expressed in this post, but I hope things change soon, somehow, for the better. I know it can happen--my life has changed dramatically for the better from what it was a year and a half ago--so hang in there and do whatever you have to do.

I am glad your boy is mature enough to keep his plans with you despite a major fight the night before.

And finally, like the other commenters, I am totally familiar with yarn overload!! ;) I even get it at Michael's sometimes, if I don't have particular projects that I need yarn for. That's why I've taken to making yarn shopping lists. It's definitely worse at LYS, though, because there I encounter yarns that I don't ordinarily see and that are way more expensive. I usually come out with 1 skein of yarn that was on sale or something.

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