I Have A New Blog

It's time for a change.

This blog shall be no more.

I'm moving here.

Come on over.

i love this baby


We're Home!


Sorry for the delay. Things are great. So, so tired though. I'm not napping and only sleeping 3 to 5 hours per night. I know, sleep when the baby sleeps. Easier said than done. She's cluster feeding right now and nursing on the hour every hour during the day and then every 2-3 overnight. I can't do much but nurse. The good news? This shall pass. We're doing very well and are all very happy. Her Daddy is in love.
More later.

Induction

Wednesday at 9:30 am we're being admitted to have a baby. I'm nervous and excited. Wish us luck!

Stick a Fork in Me!

Yep, still pregnant. I'm only 4 days late at this point. But starting to feel quite frustrated and overly pregnant. I think in the last week my body has begun to deteriorate. It's frustrating.

I'm 3cm and 80% (unless I've progressed more) for almost a week now. The doctor swept my membranes on Wednesday and told me she'd see me Thursday for delivery. Um, nope.

I'm tired and irritable.

It looks like I'll be induced mid next week. I really want to avoid induction. I don't want to labor hooked up to an IV and tied down to a bed. Just not what I envisioned. But it's not looking promising. We'll see. I think they'll do another sweep on Monday to see if that works.

Send some serious labor vibes my way. There's nothing here but false labor. Lots and lots of false labor for the last week. At this point I probably won't even recognize actual labor when it begins because I am one walking contraction at this point.

Quick Update

I've had a few emails from people wondering if I'm still pregnant. The answer is yes, I'm still pregnant. :) I've still got a week to go until my due date. I know that for a first time Mom I'm likely to go over, but I've had so much false labor, and so many doctors in my practice telling me "any day now" that I just assumed I'd have had her already. Even my Mom was pretty convinced she'd make her appearance before the end of this past weekend.

I'm feeling good still. I'm just done in general. Not because I feel bad mind you, but because of all the false labor I've had. It's like someone is holding this prize in front of you over and over again and then pulling it away and saying "Just kidding!" I think if it wasn't for my body teasing me as much as it has been, I'd be a little happier about still being pregnant.

She'll come when she's ready, I know.

My induction date, unless the hospital is booked that day, would be June 10th if I don't go into labor before then. Hopefully it doesn't come to that, I'd rather labor naturally at home for a while instead of going from 0 to 60 in the hospital hooked up to an IV and confined to a bed.

Mostly we're just antsy and excited to meet this little baby!

OH and good news. I finally came to my senses and gave up on Fairpoint. I'm switching my phone and internet to Comcast. We STILL have no DSL at home so I'm going with cable. I don't want to pay the ridiculous install fees (our apartment isn't wired properly and we need to pay for it ourselves) but I'm really in need of some internet. So our install date is 6/12. Since they have to come into our home I need us to be there. So, it looks like pretty soon I can actually read other blogs again and keep up with my friends. Wouldn't that be nice! It's been soooo long. I just don't have the time to do it from work.

Okay, speaking of work, I have things to do. I'll update soon, and as I said last time, hopefully with baby pictures!

Full Term

I've technically got 20 days until my due date but I'm officially full term nonetheless. So, little one, please feel free to come out at any time, ok?

We're doing well. I'm 2 cm and very soft, and her head is very low, so hopefully progress continues to be made and I don't end up stalling here for a long while. My big complaint right now is the pressure and cramping and irregular contractions. She's very low in my pelvis and I'm quite far along so these are all normal things to be expected at this stage. I don't sleep worth a damn, I'm up usually every 40 to 50 minutes like clockwork overnight to use the bathroom. I feel very tired as a result. I think it will serve me well though as I'll be very used to her waking me up every 2 hours around the clock. Actually, part of me thinks that if she allows me to sleep 2 hours straight I'll feel wonderfully rested. I don't think I have slept more than 90 minutes in one stretch in several weeks.

It's funny, yesterday I heard a newly pregnant woman talking about her fears of labor and delivery. It reminded me that I used to be so pathologically terrified of labor that I wished for a c-section. But as I near the end, I don't fear it at all. I pray for it. I welcome it. I am looking forward to it. I say, bring it on! On so many levels it will bring relief. Of course there are nerves and jitters, but at this point in the game I just can't wait for the whole thing to just get itself over with, you know?

So, just the normal end of the road stuff going on here. Hopefully my next post will be soon and will include baby pictures. One can hope, right? Of course, you know full well I'm jinxing myself and will end up whining to you 2 weeks past my due date.

44 inches...


and 36 weeks


Holy Cow!

I'm a month away from my due date!

Things here are going well. Kidney stones are a drag but they could be worse.

Still no internet at home. At this point I wonder if we'll ever get it fixed.

Still working part time. Thankful to have a job, don't know if/how long it will last, but it's still here.

Mostly, I'm just shocked that I'm a month away from my due date. I'll see if I can get a picture soon and upload it from work. I'm as big as a house!

Sorry I have neglected other blogs. No internet at home, and at work I've gone from 50 down to 30 hours and I'm just swamped here all the time. I hope to check in soon.

WTF

I rang in my 30th birthday (until about 4 am) in the labor and delivery ward of the hospital thinking I was in labor. I had terrible back pain and contractions every 90 seconds apart. I was really terrified of having her 8 weeks premature but I could not imagine what on earth was causing the terrible pain I was feeling other than labor. Well, long story short and several days later it turns out I've got kidney stones.

I haven't gone to work all week. I haven't done anything except go to the doctor and feel sorry for myself. I have an u/s tomorrow to see how things are going, how many there are, etc. Nothing has passed yet.

The good news is that they did an fFn test and it's not likely I'll go into preterm labor in the next 7 to 14 days. The fierce contractions I was having were irritbility contractions from the pain and stress on my system. The baby is in really good condition, strong HB, doing well. So on that front I couldn't be happier.

But I feel like shit and am so whiny and woah-is-me that I'm sure I'm miserable to be around.

What the hell is in the water up here that both Mark and I have now had stones?

Well

It looks like I will be out of a job before the baby is born. It's 99% certain at this point. This economy is killing our buisness.

For now I'm hopefully, gainfully employed until the end of April, but only on a part time basis. I'm not sure if there will be a severance package or anything to carry me through for a while. I'm guessing no? But I could be wrong.

To say I'm freaking out is an understatement.

I have terribly neglected the Etsy shop since my wedding 6 months ago. I've decided to go off on my own, so MABS will be dissolved very shortly. I'm going to try to devote some good time and energy to the new shop in the hopes that it helps pay a few bills. Look for a grand opening around April 15th. I'll keep you posted.

Otherwise things are good. 11 weeks to go as of today. I can't believe how close it is. The gallbladder thing is terribly painful and I think next week when I have my next appointment (I start twice monthly next week) we'll find that I have either not gained anything, or maybe lost a pound in the last month. I'm up 35 pounds from the beginning of the pregnancy though so I don't think they'll be concerned yet as long as the baby is growing. And let me tell you, she is. Her strength and size is becoming more evident with how much she beats on me! She's a very active little one, that's for sure. But aside from the gallbladder thing, I've been feeling pretty good actually. A little tired and more slow than I was even just a month ago, but I guess at almost 7 months pregnant that's just normal stuff.

More soon. Hopefully Fairpoint will get their shit together and install our DSL at home one of these days?!

Hallelujah Meets Woah-is-Me

Remember those nasty stomach issues I had for an entire year before getting pregnant? They seemed to disappear when I was around 2 months pregnant, thankfully. I've been eating a normal diet since then with no pain. They could never diagnose it for sure. Every doc would say "Sounds like gallbladder," but then the tests would come back negative. I was very discouraged for a very long while.

Around mid-February I started having pain under my right rib cage. I thought I was just a wus and a huge baby and couldn't hack being pregnant. One more complaint I have about pregnancy. I assumed it was normal organ squishing that happens and blamed my short torso for the discomfort, and felt silly for being so delicate.

Well, I mentioned it a week ago at my last prenantal appt. and they ordered an upper abdominal ultrasound at the hospital just to check to make sure my liver was ok. They just called with my results.

And holy friggen crap, I have gallbladder polyps!!!

I guess they can be hard to detect, and I guess the people who have symtoms from their polyps tend to have the same symptoms as people with gallstones and gallbladder disease, just with no stones or evidence of disease. Could this explain my classic gallbladder symptoms pre-pregnancy, and the constant negative test results?

So off I go to the GI again. I am hoping she just throws her hands up in the air and finally says yes, let's take that gallbladder out because obviously it's a source of pain and discomfort for me.

The woah-is-me part? I obviously won't be having surgery anytime soon. I'm certain they wouldn't do it during pregnancy simply for pain, my liver enzymes would have to be affected, or I'd have to be losing weight, or something more drastic than that.

At least I just got myself an accidental diagnosis.

Now, if only it didn't feel like some stabbed me in the ribcage with a hot knife. :-/

No Internet, So No Pictures...

I'd love to post some pictures but I can't, on account of having no stinking internet at home. Can I just say I really hate Fairpoint??

After absolutely no substantial crocheting since about October, I finally finished a few projects this weekend. I made a BICO sweater for Zoey (I would make 200 of these if I had the time, they're so adorable and quick) and a matching newsboy hat out of Cascade Peruvian Highland Wool bulky. The main color was an eggplant purple, and I accented it with green stripes. Totally adorable. I also finally wove in the ends of a purple and slate gray beanie I made for her a while back. And I started on this cute little bunny. I'm using cotton though (plain old SnC), not Velvet Spun because I think it's something she'll end up gnawing on. I'm using the neopolitan looking colorway, though I forget it's actual name. I'm also not following the pattern exactly because I didn't like how it was working up in cotton, so I'm modifying it slightly. I'll follow the pattern for the paws and head though, when I get there, and try to keep the body the same size.

I have quite a few hats I want to make her, as this mama is obsessed with hats. I told Mark she'll be the coolest baby on the block if I have the time to make her all the cute hats I plan to make. I also want to make her a handful of stuffed animals. My grandmother made me a few when I was little--I have a crocheted smurfette that I loved--and I want to make some for Zoey too.

If I ever get internet again I'll post pictures. *rolleyes*

Quick Update

We moved to a larger apt. this weekend and don't have internet or phone for the next few weeks (very long story). I won't be around as much as usual (which isn't much on a good day). Our goal of buying our first house this summer got pushed back one year until we see how having a baby will affect us financially.

My due date is 3 months from today, and it's the start of the third trimester. Time is really flying, I can't believe how fast it's gone.

I'm starting to notice that some symptoms are relieved, whereas new ones are popping up. In the last week I noticed I don't get up every 45 to 60 minutes to pee all night long anymore. I've been carrying pretty low, and it seems as though the baby has moved up just a smidge and is no longer laying on my bladder. My sciatic nerve pain from it being pinched is a teeny bit better, too, which is awesome. But with that upward movement I've noticed some minor heartburn, but nothing terrible just yet. I'm also noticing rib pain. And I can take even less of a deep breath as my lungs are getting squashed. It's all so bizarre! Nothing is too terrible yet, and knock on wood maybe it won't be, but for a firs time mom it's certainly new and strange and uncomfortable.

Mark is going through another bout of nasty kidney stones and they're not passing. Just rattling around in there causing him pain. I hope they pass soon. He has another urology appt. this week to check on them again and see if they're still high in the kidneys. Hopefully they've made some progress. He's very uncomfortable.

I think that's about all. I will update more when I can, and post pics of the new place, which is awesome. The extra space is just what we need with a baby on the way.

Woops

I guess she does know I have a blog.

This is my favorite t-shirt that reads "Good Things Come in Small Packages."

I don't know how old I was here, but I'll take a guess and say somewhere around 21-ish. Maybe 20, maybe 22. Can't believe I'll be 30 in just two months. And I can't believe there was a time when I didn't wear my glasses 24/7.



Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

Aches and pains aside, I love my belly. I can't get enough of this thing. I think I stop and stare at myself several hundred times per day. Yes, it's awkward and I have to roll myself in order to sit up or get out of bed. It aches quite a bit as it's growing and it's not the most comfortable thing in the world. It's been squishing every organ inside of me.

But...

but...

sometimes when Zoey kicks me my whole belly shakes and wiggles and I can't help but laugh out loud. Each time I roll myself over to get in and out of bed she pokes me beside either of my two hips. That's my baby in there!





Look at my belly button in that first picture. Look a little strange? Turns out my birth mark has been hiding inside my belly button all this time and I never knew it, until it started to turn inside out.

Excuse Me While I Seem Very Un-Motherly

I want nothing more than to be one of those women who just loves being pregnant. I have always wanted that. But given my, well, "delicate" nature I've always assumed I'd be sick as a dog the whole time and wishing I were dead. Imagine my surprise when that wasn't the case at all!

I never really had morning sickness. Just felt disgusting from the iron in the pre-natals until I got used to it, which took about 3 weeks. Of course that time period fell over the wedding so I was ill at my own wedding. Ah, pregnancy. My biggest first trimester complaint was fatigue. From about 7 to 12 weeks I was very tired, wanting to sleep all the time, and having a hard time keeping up with working 45 to 50 hours per week. But otherwise I felt like I was doing well.

Then the second trimester and the "honeymoon period" as they call it....

???

Um, excuse me, but what honeymoon? I mean, this is the time when women feel the best, so why don't I feel good?



  • I suddenly got this terrible body acne (it's finally starting to go away).

  • My uterus decided it wanted to hang out right on top of my sciatic nerve, so now I'm in excrutiating hip pain all the time. I'm too young to have nasty sciatica!

  • My tail bone started to hurt terribly for no good reason. I find myself gasping several times a day and muttering "Ow, my ass" because really, my ass hurts! Who ever heard of having pain from sitting too much?

  • The peeing all the time has started. And when I say all the time, I mean every 45 to 60 minutes like clockwork I have to pee. I haven't slept through the night since October (good practice for a baby I guess).

  • Constipation? Yep, I have that. Sorry for the TMI but I'd give anything to just poop again without a struggle.

  • Oh and how about my belly? My beloved, wonderful, adorable baby belly that I'm so in love with. My torso is so short that when I sit down, despite carrying so low, I cannot breathe because my uterus is smashing into my diaphragm.

  • And I have an unusual anterior placenta (the egg attached itself on the wrong side of my uterus at conception) so the baby is hidden beneath my placenta....which means when she kicks I can barely feel her. She kicks the placenta, not me. Usually the placenta is beneath the baby, not the other way around. I barely feel her kick, which is heart breaking.

  • I have an "irritible uterus" they tell me, where I feel every single stretch and pull. I have had cramps for 25 weeks now. I am always worried about this baby, thinking something is wrong, because I hurt a lot and have cramps. And now that I'm far enough along I'm having Braxton Hicks all the time with these cramps....it's nerve wracking.

  • I developed hypoglycemia and shake and nearly pass out if I don't eat something all the time. I have a gut feeling I will fail the glucose test next Thursday and end up with Gestational Diabetes.

  • Oh and one last thing. You're supposed to gain 25 pounds in pregnancy from start to finish. I've now gained well over 30, and I'm only 25 weeks along. I have three and a half months left to go and I've already gained way more than I should have.

So I'm a little discouraged that I'm not loving every aspect of pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I would do this 1000 times if I had to, just to have this baby. I love my baby and I can't wait to meet her. But seriously, if every woman were like me I think the human race would die out! I am apparently a lot more delicate than I thought I was. I feel like a failure as a woman sometimes. I try to put it in perspective and make myself feel better. I still work 48 hours per week. I do everything I did before I was pregnant, except carry heavy laundry and heavy groceries. I don't wus out and play the pregnancy card and refuse to do things. I don't baby myself or have my husband baby me. I feel like I trudge on and do a good job at keeping up with my former pace (I'm just a little slower these days). But I'm not comfortable. And I know it's going to get much, much worse.


I just wish I loved being pregnant. While I love the idea of it, I don't really love how I feel. It makes me feel so incredibly guilty.


Here I am at 23 weeks. They tell me I'm big?




Thanks for listening to my first and only long pregnancy whine.

Good Things Come in Small Packages

When I was 15 my Mom and I were shopping at "Building 19." If you're from New England you know what this store is---it's your classic junk store. We would go there from time to time and check out the latest junk that they had to offer. Well this one trip I found this awesome t-shirt for 50 cents that said "Good Things Come in Small Packages." It was a tight fitting t, and it was my sort of political statement about my breast size. ;) I wore that thing out. I still have it, and it's so worn that it's practically see-through. I have to wear a tank top beneath it or else it's very obscene.


I recently joined Facebook when one friend said that another had posted some old pictures of us from high school, that I just had to see. So I joined so I could see this funny pictures. The friend who posted the pictures is someone I have known for so many years, since maybe the 10th grade or so. Our lives have always been very close physically, in that we live so close to one another. Emotionally though, that's another story. I don't know why, but our friendship has always been very volatile. Maybe it's because we're so alike in so many ways, or because we're so drastically different in so many ways. Maybe it's because we both have a tendency to be the center of attention and it causes us to clash, or at least we did when we were younger (I think we're both so much more laid back now). Or maybe, and this is my favorite theory, she and I are not good communicators while simultaenously being lazy. Maybe we both are too quick to think something about the other, and maybe we are both not the best at "clearing the air" when there's something that needs to be cleared, leading to misunderstandings. And maybe, we're both "lazy" and have always let our friendship slide, rather than trying to work for it.


Whatever the reason, she and I don't talk much anymore. In fact, our last major discussion was a huge falling out. One of many falling outs in our myriad history. I assumed last we spoke that it was literally the last we would speak.


So fast forward to last night. I was checking Facebook, which I now find to be the coolest thing ever, but that's beside the point. I noticed her status had changed and it said she had a bun in the oven. All I could do was cry. I was at work and probably looked like such an ass, but I started bawling out of happiness. I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am for her. This has been a long road for her and I know that she's got to be on cloud 9 right now. When I told people of my own pregnancy when I was around 13 weeks, I was terrified to tell her. Not because I didn't think she'd be happy for me. She's not a bitch afterall. But because I knew she was struggling with fertility and I knew if I was in her shoes it would sting a lot if a friend got pregnant when I was trying so hard to. Especially considering Mark and I got pregnant after one try, which wasn't even really a "try" if you want to be technical.


So anyway, all I can think of today is that damn t-shirt. Good things really do come in small packages. As in, baby sized packages. Or in her case, a poppy-seed sized package, which is about how big her little bean is right now.


So even if we don't ever rekindle our friendship (which since the day I met her I think I have always wanted because it's always been back and forth for some stupid reason), I am hoping and praying that her pregnancy progresses well and she has herself a very healthy baby approximately 7 1/2 to 8 months from now. If you could all just think good thoughts for her and send prayers and good vibes her way, that would mean the world to me. She'll never read this blog because I don't think she even knows I have one, but I hope somehow those good vibes find her and bring a smile to her face. She's so deserving of that right now.

Where Are My Feet?


I can't find them anymore! I have to lean way forward to catch a glimpse of them. Which is probably a good thing, because they're in bad shape right now because I can no longer care for my toenails well. I can still cut them, but I can't get close enough to them to see if I'm cutting them in a nice straight line. Lord only knows what they look like close up! I'm 21 1/2 weeks along now. 18 1/2 to go, if she cooperates and crosses the finish line at 40 weeks. I hate to say it, but I can't wait. I know, I know, just wait another month or two or three and I'll surely be very uncomfortable. I'll look back to this time and wonder what in the world I was complaining about. Don't get me wrong---I do feel great. But I feel weird and slightly uncomfortable as well. Round enough where I can no longer bend at the waist. Fat enough where Mark now instictively gives me a helpful shove from behind when I'm trying to roll myself out of bed. Strangely shaped enough where getting onto the floor seems like the most ridiculous idea ever, unless of course someone is there to help me back up to a standing position. I know this is all just the beginning. I know that many women before me have had babies and been pregnant, and this is natural and normal and my body will be just fine. But it's hard to wrap my mind around it all. How in the hell will my skin stretch that much? It's as tight as can be, no matter how lubed I keep it. How will I maneuver myself when I already feel like I'm getting in my own way? Will I one day lay down and not be able to get back up? If a nearly one pound baby laying on my bladder causes me to nearly pee myself, what will a 6 or 7 or 8 pound baby do to me? It completely astounds me. I know I'll do just fine (albeit perhaps less than graceful). But the whole thought of it just seems out of the realm of possibility! Women really survive pregnancy, huh?? ;)
We've named her Zoey Isabella, by the way. I think she will be born wearing tap shoes, boxing gloves or both. Her movements are constant. Remind me at 8 months to take it easy on the sugar, or I will never have any rest.
Not much crocheting around here unfortunately. I have been working on Zoey's first hat now for almost 3 weeks and it's finally near completion. My upper back is in a world of hurt, and it seems the only time it feels decent is when I give up crocheting for a while. And when I say while, I suspect I may need to give it up for a very long while. The idea of it doesn't sit well with me. But I'm getting really sick of back pain, so it's looking like crochet will be on the backburner for even longer.

2009 Here I Come

I've been doing a lot of reflecting on years past lately.

2006 was a very difficult year for me, emotionally, until I moved in with Mark in October 06.

Followed by a slightly better 2007 emotionally speaking, but Mark was hit with $30,000 in medical debts. We were a team by then, so it not only affected his finances, but it greatly affected mine. It was very rough for a while there, living hand to mouth all the time and running up large credit card bills so we could eat. Marley's vet bills were astronomical that year as well.

2008 improved financially to a degree, but we still spent thousands on our silly cat in the first half of the year. It tapered off during the second half, though, and she seems to be doing well now (the vets trained us on how to adminster certain costly treatments at home to save money...and I'm talking about saving thousands of dollars here!).

There were some fantastic things that happened in 2008. In late 07 on Christmas Eve, Mark proposed to me. In October of 2008 we found out we were having a baby, and then got married about 10 days later. The year ended fantastically.

There was a lot of heartache in 07 and 08, dealing with family illness and uncertainty. The second half of 2008 brought wonderful news though, and I'm optimistic that the news will stay positive for years to come.

2006 and 2007 saw the resurrection of my old friend, crochet. 2008 saw the vast expansion of my skills, as well as the opening of my online store with Sara: MABS Crochet. Between Etsy and craft fairs we had a profitable year.

The second half of 2008 also saw a drastic decline in my crochet. It started off because I was too busy during the wedding planning. Then I was too tired in the first trimester. And now crocheting triggers an older back injury and causes neck soreness. Grrrr.

What will 2009 bring?

First and foremost, 2009 brings financial stability to a degree. We get out of debt this year. How wonderful is that?! We will add a baby to our family, which will diminish our financial stability to a degree, but I think we have things under control to handle it well and with ease.

2009 brings the rebirth of MABS Crochet. Out with the old, and in with the new. My focus even before becoming pregnant has been on stylish children's and baby hats. See this item for an example. I'm not really sure what it is about hats, or what it is about making stylish hats for the little ones, but I'm very drawn to it. And now that I'm having a baby, well I've got that weird nesting desire to make baby items. Sara plans to switch her focus as well to gloves, fingerless gloves, and mittens, among other things. We hope to quickly reach our 100th Etsy sale, which we are not far from.

2009 also begs the question: Where is the Crochet??

Hopefully lots of crocheting is right around the corner. I've put the hook down for almost 6 months now, and I really miss my old friend. Stay tuned to see what the hook and I come up with in the coming year.

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GIRL!!!

We had the ultrasound on Monday and they confirmed it. I was so sure it was a boy. Mark and I couldn't be happier. I'm 19 weeks now...just about halfway there.

Naturally Caron Yarn

I've never been fond of Caron yarns. Not sure why, but if I needed some acrylic for a ghan or what have you, I'd reach for RH Soft long before anything by Caron.


Well, the other night Mark was in Best Buy for what seemed like ages, so I walked next door to AC Moore to look for some yarn. I wasn't really sure what I wanted and was walking the aisles looking more at colors than anything. Caron's new line of yarns (or maybe not so new, it's been ages since I've been to a craft store) caught my eye. So I picked up two skeins of the new Naturally Caron. One was Spa, which is a bamboo/acrylic blend, and the second was Country, which is a wool/acrylic blend.


I'm making a winter hat using both the Spa and County. My only complaint was the lack of color selection, as I would probably have prefered to choose either Spa or Country instead of both. But, the two colors I picked to go together look great and the hat is very soft. I'll post pics when I'm finished with it. The hat is extremely soft and squishy. Very nice.




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