Woops

I guess she does know I have a blog.

This is my favorite t-shirt that reads "Good Things Come in Small Packages."

I don't know how old I was here, but I'll take a guess and say somewhere around 21-ish. Maybe 20, maybe 22. Can't believe I'll be 30 in just two months. And I can't believe there was a time when I didn't wear my glasses 24/7.



Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

Aches and pains aside, I love my belly. I can't get enough of this thing. I think I stop and stare at myself several hundred times per day. Yes, it's awkward and I have to roll myself in order to sit up or get out of bed. It aches quite a bit as it's growing and it's not the most comfortable thing in the world. It's been squishing every organ inside of me.

But...

but...

sometimes when Zoey kicks me my whole belly shakes and wiggles and I can't help but laugh out loud. Each time I roll myself over to get in and out of bed she pokes me beside either of my two hips. That's my baby in there!





Look at my belly button in that first picture. Look a little strange? Turns out my birth mark has been hiding inside my belly button all this time and I never knew it, until it started to turn inside out.

Excuse Me While I Seem Very Un-Motherly

I want nothing more than to be one of those women who just loves being pregnant. I have always wanted that. But given my, well, "delicate" nature I've always assumed I'd be sick as a dog the whole time and wishing I were dead. Imagine my surprise when that wasn't the case at all!

I never really had morning sickness. Just felt disgusting from the iron in the pre-natals until I got used to it, which took about 3 weeks. Of course that time period fell over the wedding so I was ill at my own wedding. Ah, pregnancy. My biggest first trimester complaint was fatigue. From about 7 to 12 weeks I was very tired, wanting to sleep all the time, and having a hard time keeping up with working 45 to 50 hours per week. But otherwise I felt like I was doing well.

Then the second trimester and the "honeymoon period" as they call it....

???

Um, excuse me, but what honeymoon? I mean, this is the time when women feel the best, so why don't I feel good?



  • I suddenly got this terrible body acne (it's finally starting to go away).

  • My uterus decided it wanted to hang out right on top of my sciatic nerve, so now I'm in excrutiating hip pain all the time. I'm too young to have nasty sciatica!

  • My tail bone started to hurt terribly for no good reason. I find myself gasping several times a day and muttering "Ow, my ass" because really, my ass hurts! Who ever heard of having pain from sitting too much?

  • The peeing all the time has started. And when I say all the time, I mean every 45 to 60 minutes like clockwork I have to pee. I haven't slept through the night since October (good practice for a baby I guess).

  • Constipation? Yep, I have that. Sorry for the TMI but I'd give anything to just poop again without a struggle.

  • Oh and how about my belly? My beloved, wonderful, adorable baby belly that I'm so in love with. My torso is so short that when I sit down, despite carrying so low, I cannot breathe because my uterus is smashing into my diaphragm.

  • And I have an unusual anterior placenta (the egg attached itself on the wrong side of my uterus at conception) so the baby is hidden beneath my placenta....which means when she kicks I can barely feel her. She kicks the placenta, not me. Usually the placenta is beneath the baby, not the other way around. I barely feel her kick, which is heart breaking.

  • I have an "irritible uterus" they tell me, where I feel every single stretch and pull. I have had cramps for 25 weeks now. I am always worried about this baby, thinking something is wrong, because I hurt a lot and have cramps. And now that I'm far enough along I'm having Braxton Hicks all the time with these cramps....it's nerve wracking.

  • I developed hypoglycemia and shake and nearly pass out if I don't eat something all the time. I have a gut feeling I will fail the glucose test next Thursday and end up with Gestational Diabetes.

  • Oh and one last thing. You're supposed to gain 25 pounds in pregnancy from start to finish. I've now gained well over 30, and I'm only 25 weeks along. I have three and a half months left to go and I've already gained way more than I should have.

So I'm a little discouraged that I'm not loving every aspect of pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I would do this 1000 times if I had to, just to have this baby. I love my baby and I can't wait to meet her. But seriously, if every woman were like me I think the human race would die out! I am apparently a lot more delicate than I thought I was. I feel like a failure as a woman sometimes. I try to put it in perspective and make myself feel better. I still work 48 hours per week. I do everything I did before I was pregnant, except carry heavy laundry and heavy groceries. I don't wus out and play the pregnancy card and refuse to do things. I don't baby myself or have my husband baby me. I feel like I trudge on and do a good job at keeping up with my former pace (I'm just a little slower these days). But I'm not comfortable. And I know it's going to get much, much worse.


I just wish I loved being pregnant. While I love the idea of it, I don't really love how I feel. It makes me feel so incredibly guilty.


Here I am at 23 weeks. They tell me I'm big?




Thanks for listening to my first and only long pregnancy whine.

Good Things Come in Small Packages

When I was 15 my Mom and I were shopping at "Building 19." If you're from New England you know what this store is---it's your classic junk store. We would go there from time to time and check out the latest junk that they had to offer. Well this one trip I found this awesome t-shirt for 50 cents that said "Good Things Come in Small Packages." It was a tight fitting t, and it was my sort of political statement about my breast size. ;) I wore that thing out. I still have it, and it's so worn that it's practically see-through. I have to wear a tank top beneath it or else it's very obscene.


I recently joined Facebook when one friend said that another had posted some old pictures of us from high school, that I just had to see. So I joined so I could see this funny pictures. The friend who posted the pictures is someone I have known for so many years, since maybe the 10th grade or so. Our lives have always been very close physically, in that we live so close to one another. Emotionally though, that's another story. I don't know why, but our friendship has always been very volatile. Maybe it's because we're so alike in so many ways, or because we're so drastically different in so many ways. Maybe it's because we both have a tendency to be the center of attention and it causes us to clash, or at least we did when we were younger (I think we're both so much more laid back now). Or maybe, and this is my favorite theory, she and I are not good communicators while simultaenously being lazy. Maybe we both are too quick to think something about the other, and maybe we are both not the best at "clearing the air" when there's something that needs to be cleared, leading to misunderstandings. And maybe, we're both "lazy" and have always let our friendship slide, rather than trying to work for it.


Whatever the reason, she and I don't talk much anymore. In fact, our last major discussion was a huge falling out. One of many falling outs in our myriad history. I assumed last we spoke that it was literally the last we would speak.


So fast forward to last night. I was checking Facebook, which I now find to be the coolest thing ever, but that's beside the point. I noticed her status had changed and it said she had a bun in the oven. All I could do was cry. I was at work and probably looked like such an ass, but I started bawling out of happiness. I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am for her. This has been a long road for her and I know that she's got to be on cloud 9 right now. When I told people of my own pregnancy when I was around 13 weeks, I was terrified to tell her. Not because I didn't think she'd be happy for me. She's not a bitch afterall. But because I knew she was struggling with fertility and I knew if I was in her shoes it would sting a lot if a friend got pregnant when I was trying so hard to. Especially considering Mark and I got pregnant after one try, which wasn't even really a "try" if you want to be technical.


So anyway, all I can think of today is that damn t-shirt. Good things really do come in small packages. As in, baby sized packages. Or in her case, a poppy-seed sized package, which is about how big her little bean is right now.


So even if we don't ever rekindle our friendship (which since the day I met her I think I have always wanted because it's always been back and forth for some stupid reason), I am hoping and praying that her pregnancy progresses well and she has herself a very healthy baby approximately 7 1/2 to 8 months from now. If you could all just think good thoughts for her and send prayers and good vibes her way, that would mean the world to me. She'll never read this blog because I don't think she even knows I have one, but I hope somehow those good vibes find her and bring a smile to her face. She's so deserving of that right now.

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