Excuse Me While I Seem Very Un-Motherly

I want nothing more than to be one of those women who just loves being pregnant. I have always wanted that. But given my, well, "delicate" nature I've always assumed I'd be sick as a dog the whole time and wishing I were dead. Imagine my surprise when that wasn't the case at all!

I never really had morning sickness. Just felt disgusting from the iron in the pre-natals until I got used to it, which took about 3 weeks. Of course that time period fell over the wedding so I was ill at my own wedding. Ah, pregnancy. My biggest first trimester complaint was fatigue. From about 7 to 12 weeks I was very tired, wanting to sleep all the time, and having a hard time keeping up with working 45 to 50 hours per week. But otherwise I felt like I was doing well.

Then the second trimester and the "honeymoon period" as they call it....


Um, excuse me, but what honeymoon? I mean, this is the time when women feel the best, so why don't I feel good?

  • I suddenly got this terrible body acne (it's finally starting to go away).

  • My uterus decided it wanted to hang out right on top of my sciatic nerve, so now I'm in excrutiating hip pain all the time. I'm too young to have nasty sciatica!

  • My tail bone started to hurt terribly for no good reason. I find myself gasping several times a day and muttering "Ow, my ass" because really, my ass hurts! Who ever heard of having pain from sitting too much?

  • The peeing all the time has started. And when I say all the time, I mean every 45 to 60 minutes like clockwork I have to pee. I haven't slept through the night since October (good practice for a baby I guess).

  • Constipation? Yep, I have that. Sorry for the TMI but I'd give anything to just poop again without a struggle.

  • Oh and how about my belly? My beloved, wonderful, adorable baby belly that I'm so in love with. My torso is so short that when I sit down, despite carrying so low, I cannot breathe because my uterus is smashing into my diaphragm.

  • And I have an unusual anterior placenta (the egg attached itself on the wrong side of my uterus at conception) so the baby is hidden beneath my placenta....which means when she kicks I can barely feel her. She kicks the placenta, not me. Usually the placenta is beneath the baby, not the other way around. I barely feel her kick, which is heart breaking.

  • I have an "irritible uterus" they tell me, where I feel every single stretch and pull. I have had cramps for 25 weeks now. I am always worried about this baby, thinking something is wrong, because I hurt a lot and have cramps. And now that I'm far enough along I'm having Braxton Hicks all the time with these cramps....it's nerve wracking.

  • I developed hypoglycemia and shake and nearly pass out if I don't eat something all the time. I have a gut feeling I will fail the glucose test next Thursday and end up with Gestational Diabetes.

  • Oh and one last thing. You're supposed to gain 25 pounds in pregnancy from start to finish. I've now gained well over 30, and I'm only 25 weeks along. I have three and a half months left to go and I've already gained way more than I should have.

So I'm a little discouraged that I'm not loving every aspect of pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I would do this 1000 times if I had to, just to have this baby. I love my baby and I can't wait to meet her. But seriously, if every woman were like me I think the human race would die out! I am apparently a lot more delicate than I thought I was. I feel like a failure as a woman sometimes. I try to put it in perspective and make myself feel better. I still work 48 hours per week. I do everything I did before I was pregnant, except carry heavy laundry and heavy groceries. I don't wus out and play the pregnancy card and refuse to do things. I don't baby myself or have my husband baby me. I feel like I trudge on and do a good job at keeping up with my former pace (I'm just a little slower these days). But I'm not comfortable. And I know it's going to get much, much worse.

I just wish I loved being pregnant. While I love the idea of it, I don't really love how I feel. It makes me feel so incredibly guilty.

Here I am at 23 weeks. They tell me I'm big?

Thanks for listening to my first and only long pregnancy whine.


Deneen said...
Wednesday, 18 February, 2009

I didn't have morning sickness and you'll feel the kicking more as the baby gets bigger.

I told you before, some women love being pregnant, I didn't. I love Elena with all my heart and would have done it again immediately following having her without a second thought, but the whole "pregnancy" thing I didn't like.

I carried low like you (although I have a long torso), peed every sneeze, showed like you are now early and then it stayed the same for a while.

You're skinny as heck anyway, so you should be gaining weight more than someone who started off heavier.

Keep eating what your body tells you-it know what nutrients you need.

Buck up kiddo, the last trimester (and I only had 2 months of it) is the most uncomfortable.

When it's over and Zoey is handed to you, you will be in such awe, you don't care what you went through to get her-trust me on this sweetie.

Darcie said...
Wednesday, 18 February, 2009

lol God, you're so darned cute though! ;-)

I'm definitely not laughing at you, April. Your truthfulness is delightful. Refreshing. Tell it like it is. No need to apologize for saying what you feel.

I would almost bet my life on the odds that you're totally going to forget all of the *poopiness* of pregnancy as soon as that sweet little daughter looks at you for the first time. She may not really *see* you...but there is just such a connection. I know you'll know.

Sorry for any TMI from me...but ask your doc about a stool softener. I know I had to take them after my births...but I'm not sure if they're safe during pregnancy. Doesn't hurt to ask.

Otherwise...hot tea? A massage? Soak in a nice warm tub?

You look precious! Honest. ;-)

Zu said...
Thursday, 19 February, 2009

It's perfectly fine not to love being pregnant. I secretly despise those who do actually. lol

Maybe hearing my pregnancy history will make you feel a bit better. hee-hee

I threw up the whole length of my 3 pregnancies. The first few months it was atleast a few times an hour, gradually reducing to about once a day when I was in my last trimester. I lost 30 or so pounds with my pregnancies before I gained any weight. I threw up whenever food entered my mouth, even sips of water.
I had heart burn so bad I cried all the time and it made me so sore that if you put your finger on my chest of upper back it made me jump because of the pain. I tried drinking milk to ease the pain, and ended up throwing up a long tube of solidified milk because it curdled from the acid in my chest.

I threw up any medicines I took and was admitted to the hospital for dehydration and was given IV drips almost once a month.

I was too weak to bathe myself at times and tried to sleep all the time because being awake was too awful. I was basically starving.

After the first trimester I was able to keep some food down, but had to be careful.
With my eldest son I lived off of turkey tv dinners and milk shakes. It was the only thing I kept down! Because of the pain in my chest, I stubbornly drank milk shakes even though it didn't agree with me.

With my second son I lived off of mountain dew soda, cool ranch doritos and cheese broccoli rice that came in pkgs.

My last son I was able to eat most things that weren't sweet or had any gravy, no fruit, couldn't drink water and only kept down frozen slushy apple juice. Imagine brushing your teeth and rushing to get the taste out of your mouth so you wouldn't throw up, having to rinse your mouth out with White House brand apple juice. I tried all brands, and that was the only one that stayed in me!
I hate apple juice and apples with a passion now. I ate apple pie last yr for the first time in around 4 yrs and could only eat it smothered in ice cream. :-)

Oh and I also get some sort of nasal/sinus problems which always filled my mouth up with cold/mucus. So I had to carry a spit cup around with me everywhere when I was indoors or in areas where spitting wouldn't look very good. I couldn't swallow, or else I'd throw up!
And I also got terrible acne and stretch marks.

What's really crazy, I'd still have more children. :-) It's a miracle and so worth it when they finally arrive.

Sorry for the long story, I was just reliving it all! lol

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